Kagome's Secret
by RiddleRaven
Summary: Kagome’s does something in her time that she wasn’t ready for and later regrets. Problems arise when she decides to keep it a secret from everyone, including Inuyasha and her mother. Will the truth come out? It's not what you first think! COMPLETE!
1. A Yakuza Thing

**Title:** Kagome's Secret

**Author:** Catherine/Pretty/TheIYobsessed

**Category:** Inuyasha

**Genre:** Action/Drama, possibly humor and romance.

**Rating:** K+ Because there's a little bit of action, and some innuendo in the first chapter, and I don't think young kids should do what she did. But if you're at least nine… you should be alright.

**Setting:** Haven't read the Manga in a while. Not sure where this would fall. Before Naraku's demise and the completion of the jewel, certainly. Set in the canon universe obviously.

**Summary**: Kagome's not used to keeping secrets. However, she does something while in her time that she wasn't ready for and later regrets. Problems arise when she decides to keep it a secret from everyone, including Inuyasha and her mother. Will the truth come out?

**Disclaimer:** Yes. I own Inuyasha--despite the fact that (1) this is a fanfiction (2) I'm not Japanese, can't speak Japanese and I've never been to Japan and (3) the manga clearly says Rumiko Takahashi (that wonderful woman with the big ol' fan-base) is the author. It lies to you!

**Author's Note**: Feedback is nice, especially when you're writing your first fanfiction.

**Chapter One** : **A Yakuza Thing**

**Yakuza:** _Japanese gangster_

**A real person has two reasons for doing anything ... a good reason and the real reason.** - _Unknown_

**Lying is done with words and also with silence** - _Adrienne Rich_

* * *

Kagome walked quickly around the shrine, trying to burn off some of her nervous energy. She couldn't go home. Not yet. She couldn't face her mother knowing what she'd done--even if she just went upstairs and didn't say anything. Kagome didn't lie, and not telling her mother important things like this was still lying. She'd fess up the moment her mother asked her what was wrong, she knew it. So she _couldn't_ _go in there_. Avoidance. That was the key... for now, until she had a plan, that is. With a grimace she picked up the pace. Right. So what was the plan--how was she going to explain this?

Temporary insanity? Radiation poisoning? Something in the water? How about a bad reaction to five hundred year old food? That onigiri she brought back from the Sengoku Jidai was technically expired the moment she brought it through the well, right? But that excuse wasn't going to hold water. How about…. she 'wanted to do it?' Yeah, that'd go over well... Kagome smacked her forehead. Peer pressure? That was probably the truest statement of all, but her mother wouldn't find it an acceptable excuse. Besides, if she proved she was this susceptible to peer pressure her mother might decide to keep her away from her friends--maybe even Inuyasha--she couldn't let that happen! She'd just have to keep it a secret, that's all. Other kids did it all the time.

She tried again. Um... stress? Saving the world while still trying to keep a decent grade point average certainly generated a lot of stress... As did going out and doing things she really wasn't supposed to be doing... No! Focus! Uh... She did it because she was... possessed... yeah, by a REALLY bad youkai-spirit that hated her. And Inuyasha. And all of her group, and um... wanted the jewel shards so he had to get her in trouble... This was never going to work and her cover stories were just getting lamer. Even if she explained that it wasn't just a yakuza (gangster) thing anymore and that lots of kids were doing it without thinking twice about it, her mother was never going to forgive her for doing this to her body. She could just see it now. She'd walk in there and her mom would say:

_Hi, honey, how was your day? Did you have fun with your friends?_

And she'd reply: _Um... hi, mom. My day was... fine._ And because she could just shut up and leave it there, she'd add: _ Er... but I have something to tell you... And you're not gonna like it..._

Her mother's eyes would sharpen, like a dog catching the smell of its prey—like Inuyasha's did whenever he expected something. And then she'd—Wait a minute! Inuyasha! What was _he_ going to say if he ever found out she did this? Groaning, she covered her face and stopped walking. She gingerly touched her stomach where the bandage was. It still really hurt. Inuyasha would probably notice she was in pain and demand to know what was wrong. Telling him would probably be even more painful than telling her mother. Oh, this was such a mess… At least he wasn't here now or he would've come down already, smelling her distress… She started to lift her head in relief when suddenly she heard, "Kagome! It's about time you—" and screamed.

"Ahh! Sit!"

And a hanyou hit the dirt.

"Inuyasha!" she yelled, covering her racing heart, "you nearly gave me a heart attack!"

A few seconds later he jumped back up and narrowed his eyes at her. "What was that for, wench?" he groused.

"S-sorry," she stuttered, feeling her heart beat quicken at his glare. Did he know? Could he read her mind? Sometimes she wondered if he could, and how good that nose of his really was. Did he—she suddenly snapped out of her thoughts and stared at the clawed hand that had suddenly appeared within her line of sight.

"Huh?" she asked intelligently.

Inuyasha looked annoyed. "What's wrong with you? I said, let's go; your mom is making ramen…" He reached out and took her hand, pulling her along with him up the steps to the shrine grounds.

"Oh," she said, sighing. "Well, if that's the case I'm surprised you waited for me at all—what? Wait! No, I can't go in there!" she cried, tugging at her hand desperately. "Inuyasha—NO! I can't go in there!"

Her hand broke from his and she stumbled backwards, flailing; he had to grab her to keep her from falling right back down the stairs and breaking her fragile human neck. "Stupid," he muttered, scooping her up and carrying her toward the house. Then he asked, "Why not?" But she seemed to become even more distressed. He couldn't tell if it was because he was carrying her, taking her inside, or if it had to do with the question, or something else entirely. She was too hard to figure out sometimes. He lowered his nose slightly and smelled her again. Something wasn't right… "Why do you smell like another man?" he demanded all of the sudden, setting her back on her feet. "Where have you been?"

Kagome blanched. "No where," she insisted. "I was out with my friends. We didn't meet any guys. Are you sure you're not just… s-smelling things?" she stammered, with a deer-in-headlights look on her face.

Inuyasha growled. "No I'm not smelling things! I smell another man on you, why did he touch you, Kagome?"

She stared at him wide-eyed before finally breaking. "Eri and Yuka an—"

"They talked you into going out with that guy again, didn't they? Why don't they just take the hint and realize you're not interested in that Houjou-thing?"

Kagome froze. "Th-that's who you meant? Y-yeah… And Houjou's not a _thing_. He's a person. Even if he is about as dense as a—"

"What do you mean 'that's who I meant?' Who else would I mean?" he sniffed her again.

Kagome visibly paled. "Nothing. I knew you meant Houjou, of course I did!" She tittered nervously and then took off running. "Uh… The ramen's getting cold, Inuyasha! I think I heard Mama calling us!"

Inuyasha stared at the place she'd vacated. He hadn't heard her mother calling. But she was probably right about the ramen. Why was she running though? Hadn't she said she didn't want to go in there? He took off after her and easily caught up, but not before she dashed inside and turned to hold open the door. She was breathing heavy, eyes darting around like she expected someone to be watching her. When her mother's voice reached them, she jumped. So Inuyasha frowned and put a hand on her shoulder. "Kagome…?" he asked.

Her head whipped around and then her eyes suddenly seemed to focus on him. After a moment she reached up and patted his hand before pulling away. She squared her shoulders and started walking toward the kitchen. But with every step her pace slowed. Finally he just came up behind her and dragged her in, snorting as she sat stiffly in the chair and told her mother she'd had a good time out with her three friends from this time—Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi—even though she wasn't very close to them anymore and they were the reason she was in this mess. Her mother smiled at them and sat down with her own food.

She stared at her bowl of ramen and didn't touch it. _I think I'm gonna be sick…_ she thought. Her nausea didn't really have anything to do with the food, but looking over and seeing Inuyasha shoveling down his ramen without regard to the sight he made certainly didn't help settle her stomach any.

He looked over at her. "You gonna eat yours?" he asked.

"No," she replied, eliciting a glance from her mother.

He still hesitated. "You should… eat a little, Kagome," he said, turning back to his own food. He didn't want to starve her. She hadn't eaten anything at all.

"No," she repeated firmly. She lightened her tone and smiled, "You can have it, Inuyasha, I'll make more later if I have to. I'm not hungry just now. Can I go, Mama?" she asked, eyes flicking up to her mother's. When she got a nod she shoved her chair back and practically ran to her room.

Inuyasha's voice stopped her. "Hurry up! We're going back tonight!"

She froze and slowly turned back to him. "Inuyasha," she said menacingly before taking on a placating tone, "Wouldn't it be more prudent to go back in the _morning_? It's not like we can start shard-hunting as soon as we get back! We'd have to stop and sleep!"

"Keh!" was all he said, seemingly accepting that logic.

She took her chance and ran upstairs to her room.

Inuyasha eyed her empty chair, and then turned his attention to her abandoned bowl of ramen and dug in. Kagome's mother just smiled at him, though she also wondered what had gotten into her daughter. "Say, Inuyasha... do you happen to know why Kagome is acting so strangely?"

Inuyasha glanced up at her, and shrugged. "Keh. That W--Kagome's always crazy when she's worried about her "skool" and tests…" he said knowingly, stopping himself from calling her a wench in front of her mother since he knew she didn't like it.

Kagome's mother frowned but then forced her face to brighten. "Yes, I suppose that's it," she agreed, standing up. But Kagome couldn't already be worried about her next tests; she'd just taken all the ones she needed for the time being. Perhaps she was worried about her grades in general? But her mother's intuition told her it was something else. She just couldn't put her finger on what. Kagome was a good girl, but she wasn't perfect. One day her little girl would do something she didn't approve of, even knowing that it would get her into trouble. She could only pray that it wouldn't be anything _too_ extreme.

Upstairs, Kagome shut her door, making a conscious effort not to slam it in her haste, and then sank against it, momentarily loosing the energy to stand. But then she moved away from the door and picked up her large yellow backpack. She'd repacked it earlier that day so she didn't have to worry about that now. Part of her actually wished Inuyasha was making her go back now; she was nervous about her mother finding out about what she'd done. Which is why she was unusually anxious to go back to the feudal era and safely away from her mother's prying eyes. But she needed to stay here for tonight, though she couldn't tell Inuyasha why.

She pulled out a mirror from her dresser and lifted up her shirt to look at the big bandage on her stomach. The guy had said to leave it on overnight. She stared at the bandage, picturing the skin beneath it in her head, and felt her eyes mist with tears. She couldn't believe she'd done it... Yeah, everyone else was doing it, and she'd wanted it, and she'd even kind of liked it. But she hadn't wanted it this badly, and now it was too late.

Inuyasha finished off Kagome's ramen and then got to his feet. "Oi! Kagome!" he called up the stairs.

Kagome yanked down her shirt and shoved the mirror under her pillow just as Inuyasha busted into the room. She forced away the guilty expression on her face by focusing on her irritation. "Haven't I told you not to just barge in here like that? I could have been changing clothes!"

Inuyasha smashed his ears against his head and stared at her pitifully. She had told him that, but he always forgot. He was impulsive; Kagome knew that. He looked sufficiently repentant so she sighed and waved him in. "Just don't do it again, Inuyasha," she said tiredly, knowing it was useless.

She sat down on the bed and reached into her school backpack, pulling out her notebook. Inuyasha sat on the floor in front of her, against the wall, and watched as she took out a pen and started to write. She slid back on the bed, drew a blanket across her legs and then crossed them. After a while Inuyasha closed his eyes. But as soon as she got really interested in what she was doing, and almost forgot he was there, he couldn't take it anymore.

"So are you going to tell me why you were acting so weird today?" he asked seriously, cracking open an eye to look at her.

She looked startled. That was the last thing she expected him to say. But it shouldn't have been; he was always attentive to her moods, and her earlier behavior was too glaringly obvious for him to ignore. The look in his eye almost made her want to tell, and her heartbeat quickened. "No," she replied, and didn't break eye contact with him.

He closed his eye and nodded softly, like he'd expected her to say that. He crossed his arms a little tighter, getting comfortable against the wall again. This time he didn't open his eyes at all.

"Are you ever going to?" he asked.

Kagome shifted uneasily. "I wish I hadn't done it. I don't want _anyone_ to know."

He seemed to sigh.

"So it's something you did?" He opened the eye again.

She frowned at him and looked down at her paper unseeingly. She didn't seem inclined to say anything else. But a particular quote floated into her mind and she couldn't seem to banish it: lying is done with words, and with silence. She didn't know who said it, but it was true, and it made her feel really bad about staying quite.

She set the notebook on the floor and crawled across the bed. "I'm going to sleep," she announced, even though she was still in her school uniform. "Can you turn off the light Inuyasha?" she asked, turning pleading eyes his way.

He rose and went to the door, where the "switch" was and turned off the light. Then he moved through the dark to sit on the floor with his back against her bed.

She pulled the covers up and peered through the dark to locate his head. "Good night, Inuyasha," she whispered, and almost didn't hear him when he whispered it back.


	2. Shake a leg!

**Chapter Two****: Shake a leg!**

* * *

The next morning was hectic for Kagome. She'd avoided Inuyasha and went to the bathroom to check on her bandage. After rolling up her shirt and tucking it under her arms, she reached down to remove the bandage on her stomach. Her breath hitched when she saw the skin beneath it and she had to once again fight off tears. Steadying herself, she turned on the tap and used the antibacterial soap to clean her skin. Then she patted it dry with a clean washcloth and gently put a special ointment on it. Then she wrapped the bandage in toilet paper and threw it in the trash, so no one would see a bloody bandage and wonder where it came from.

"Shake a leg, Wench!" Inuyasha yelled up the stairs to her, making her sorry she'd taught him that particular phrase (not that it would've stopped him from yelling for her to "HURRY UP!").

"Coming!" she shrieked back, lowering her shirt over her stomach. She washed her hands and then went back to her room and got a long sweater in case her short school shirt went up any. She didn't want anyone catching a peek at the now-uncovered skin there. She packed a few new things in the pack and shouldered the monstrous thing, trying to ignore the way it stretched the skin on her stomach, and started heading down the stairs. She was grateful when Inuyasha took the bag from her. "Bye, Mama!" she called as they hurried out the door. Her mother appeared in time to wave goodbye.

But even once she was safely away from her mother 500 years in the past, there was still Inuyasha to worry about. She blinked back tears when he grabbed her loosely around her waist and lifted her out, his arm pressing into her wound. But she couldn't stop the gasp of pain that accompanied it. He let her go once they were on the ground. "Are you okay?" he asked, eyes concerned. She forced a smile and reached up to touch one of his ears, which had been lowering into his hair. He flicked the ear away once, but let her touch it the second time. "I'm fine," she replied, giggling to herself as she felt his silky ear slide between her fingers . "Let's go!" she said more brightly than she thought she'd be able to.

"Keh," he replied and followed her into the village.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry for the shortness. But I didn't want to continue yet, at least I uploaded two chapters. Besides, I couldn't resist that chapter title and if I'd combined it I would've had to change it.


	3. Are ye ill, child?

**Chapter Three**** : Are ye ill, child?**

**Sometimes we lie to those we love. ** – _unknown_

* * *

"Kagome! You're back!" exclaimed Sango when Kagome appeared. Her friends were outside with Kaede, who was standing off to the side watching the others. Shippou had been playing with Kirara, but he launched himself at her as soon as she walked up, with a cry of "Kagome!" that morphed into an "Ack!" as Inuyasha snatched him out of the air by his shirt and growled.

"Oi! Didn't I tell you not to do that, runt?" Inuyasha asked him.

Kagome was looking pale. If Shippou had collided with her "injury" she didn't know what she would've done. "Thanks, Inuyasha," she said, taking the squirming, complaining bundle from Inuyasha into her arms for a hug clear of her stomach. He snuggled into her and she ruffled his red hair. Then she let him go and he jumped back.

"Come on, Kagome; come see what I drew!"

Kagome smiled and followed him as he led her to the pictures he'd drawn earlier. He held up his favorite—a drawing of them both by a lake full of pink and green flowers.

"Didn't you say lotuses were your favorite, Kagome?"

Kagome gave him a watery smile. "They are. Thank you, Shippou; I love it!"

Inuyasha looked over at her. He always knew when she as sad, though he didn't know why a drawing of her favorite flower would make her sad… unless it was one of those weird girl things where she cried because she was happy. Shippou seemed to think that's what it was; he scurried off and sat down to draw some more.

Sango came up behind her. "Kagome, do you want to go down to the hot springs for a bath? I feel like I could use one…"

Kagome opened her mouth to say yes but then she remembered something. She wouldn't be able to soak in the water until her skin was completely healed. She'd been told that the skin would soak up all the water and float away, like a soggy scab.. Oh, but she did need to wash it twice a day. How she'd manage that without Sango finding out was a mystery.

"Actually, Sango, I took a bath before I left. Can we go later?" she asked, hoping Inuyasha didn't realize or didn't comment on the fact that she hadn't. But she thought she saw his eyes narrow suspiciously as he talked to Miroku several feet away, and his ear was turned toward her. When he started to look over she shifted her gaze back to Sango's face.

Sango frowned a little, and Kagome very nearly confessed right there, but then the older girl nodded and sighed. Kagome felt bad for denying her friend the chance to wash up. All because of her other stupid "friends" and their stupid, stupid ideas…

"Now," Kagome said with a carefully straight face as she sat down and the rest of their group joined them. "Tell me what's been going on since I left."

She heard Miroku's staff jingle as he settled against the wall of Kaede's hut. They were still outside for now, though it would be getting dark soon.

"Well…" he trailed off.

"Keh! There was a stupid hoard of snakes in another village. We took care of them. None of them had shards or anything…"

"How do you know they didn't if I wasn't there?" Kagome asked.

"Keh. They were puny. Shippou could've handled them."

Shippou bristled. "I can handle more than that, baka!"

Inuyasha didn't look convinced. Kagome sighed.

"Okay. Where are we headed tomorrow?"

Inuyasha exchanged glances with Miroku. "Northwest," he answered after a moment. "The last time I smelled Naraku's stupid stench he was going that way."

Kagome nodded. "Okay. What are we doing for the rest of the day then?" she asked, looking around at each of her friends, and then settling her eyes on Inuyasha.

"Well, I was planning on bathing…" Sango started sullenly. Kagome winced.

"I think that's a wonderful idea— " Miroku started, lifting a finger to emphasize that point, before being whacked on the head by Inuyasha. But he continued, undaunted. "Why not join Sango, Kagome-chan?" he asked, rubbing his head.

"So you can have another girl to ogle, you pervert? I don't think so!" Inuyasha said, raising his hand to whap him again.

"Inuyasha," Kagome warned and then turned to Miroku. "Because I already had a bath."

Inuyasha's eyes shot over to her. He couldn't believe she'd told that lie twice. Sure, she probably had had a bath "before she left" but not as recently as she was leading Sango and Miroku to believe. Did she really expect him to believe it to? She was avoiding his gaze. His eyes sharpened. Just what was the wench up to?

Miroku nodded and so did Sango. Inuyasha kept his mouth shut and looked away.

After a few moments of silence Kagome got to her feet. "I guess I'll go see if Kaede needs help with anything," she said.

The rest of the day passed and the sun started to peek over the horizon. Inuyasha was just about to hop down from his tree and wake everyone up when he heard the girls heading to the river. His ears perked up and he rose, jumping from tree to tree until he was close enough to ensure their safety from any youkai that might appear, though if Kagome knew he was anywhere nearby, possibly spying, she'd "sit" him six feet into the ground. But he wasn't spying. He was just eavesdropping and watching out for them.

Sango's voice drifted to him.

"Why aren't you getting in?"

"Oh, I really don't feel like it, that's all."

"But—"

"Sango," Kagome said quietly. She looked around. For a minute she looked like she was going to admit something, but in the end she couldn't. "Don't worry about it," she finished lamely.

"Alright," her friend conceded. She finished stripping off her clothes and got into the hot spring to wash off the dust from traveling. She reached for Kagome's shampoo.

Kagome moved behind a rock so that Sango couldn't see what she was doing and pulled up her shirt. She hissed when her fingers accidentally brushed across the wound, but Sango didn't hear her. While Sango closed her eyes and washed her long hair, Kagome used the antibacterial soap she'd brought to clean her skin. She washed it, then patted it dry and put more ointment on it. Then she pulled her shirt down over it and nearly screamed when Sango suddenly resurfaced in front of her and asked, "Can you pass me the body wash?"

Kagome exhaled slowly and forced a smile. "Sure," she said, passing her the bottle. "I'm sorry I don't feel like getting in today." She thanked her lucky stars that Sango hadn't seen her tending to her stomach. But now she felt like she could relax, so she leaned back against the rock she was hiding behind. "Didn't anything interesting happen while I was gone?" she asked sullenly.

Sango smiled a bit. "No, nothing… You take the shards with you when you go, so the youkai don't seem as interested in us. It's quiet when you're gone… unless that stupid monk is driving me crazy. I'm glad you're back, Kagome."

Kagome smiled back and got to her feet. She brought her friend a towel for when she climbed out of the water to get dressed. "I guess we can head back now… Inuyasha's probably waiting for us."

With a grunt, Inuyasha raced back to the village to head them off. He was greeted with the sight of Miroku also exiting the trees. He growled in the back of his throat. "Where do you think you've been?" he demanded, cursing himself for not realizing he was there watching the girls. "I'll pound you into the ground if you don't stop spying on them!"

Miroku's face paled. "I would never," he protested. "I'm a monk!"

"Yeah, a corrupt one! Stay away from— on second thought, I'll just let Sango pound you when she finds out!" he said, cutting off as the women broke through the trees.

Miroku's face fell. "Inuyasha," he pleaded, "She'll kill me…"

Inuyasha glared. "Just stay away like we've all told you to, monk!" he ground out quietly, stomping off. What he'd heard from Kagome bothered him. She was acting so strange… She wouldn't even bathe! That told him something was wrong more than anything else.

"Let's go!" he said when the girls came up, and started walking away.

"Wha--wait, Inuyasha! We haven't even eaten, and I have to repack all my stuff!"

"So what! We have to go!"

"No, Inuyasha, we're staying here."

"No. We're. Not. Wench!"

"Yes. We. Are. Stubborn!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Sit!"

Inuyasha went down with a growl into the dirt.

Kagome stormed away and went into Kaede's hut. Shippou took off after her. Inuyasha growled but then followed her in and sulked against the wall.

"Well, I guess that just leaves us my dear Sa—" Miroku started, after looking around to ensure that they were alone.

"Touch me and die, monk," Sango bit out, turning to glare pointedly at the hand hovering a few inches over her rear. She walked past him into the hut, shaking out her shoulders almost as if to dispel her irritation.

"Ahaa…" Miroku laughed nervously, feeling as if he'd just escaped death by a narrow margin. Kirara twitched her tails and pranced past him inside; unimpressed with his behavior. He followed the cat and seated himself on a futon on the floor, his staff resting across his chest on his left shoulder.

Sango sat demurely on a futon near him, while Kagome sat next to Kaede helping her cook. Shippou sat on top of Kagome's sleeping bag and Inuyasha sat like Miroku against the wall with Tensaiga across his chest. Kaede left the fire and went to retrieve something. A moment later she came back to Kagome and handed her the bow and arrows that she'd left here. Kagome thanked her and grew quiet.

"Are ye ill, child?" Kaede inquired after a moment, stirring the pot over the fire. Inuyasha's attention sharpened. He frowned.

"I'm just tired," Kagome assured everyone, blushing a little. She started to add that she'd be fine tomorrow, but in all honesty it might be a couple weeks before her skin was completely healed. And she didn't know how long it would be before she was completely back to normal since it was really the guilt that was the problem, not the pain.

Kaede peered at her with her good eye searchingly, but said nothing else about it. Inuyasha, however, kept frowning and took a deep breath, shifting through the scents that came to him. Shippou's was marring Kagome's but he could still tell that the scent of the man he'd smelled earlier was gone and the other, strange scent on her skin he didn't recognize was fading. Neither scent had been that strong anyway. But he could smell her emotions too and under the smell of false happiness was a layer of anxiety. Almost like fear. What was she afraid of? And where had she been with her friends the day before? And, above all, why didn't she want a bath? They were always stopping so Kagome could have a bath in whatever hot springs or river they found. And she had lied about bathing before coming back. If he had to guess he'd say she hadn't bathed since the morning of the day he showed up to get her. Well, that was technically before they left. But he didn't know Kagome to find loopholes like that. And she hadn't bathed just now, even though she'd come back from the river with Sango just now.

As the sky darkened further and his friends settled down, Inuyasha watched over them, puzzling over the mystery of Kagome.


	4. Lotus Flower

**Chapter Four****: The Lotus**

**Three things cannot be long hidden, the sun, the moon, and the truth** - _Buddha_

* * *

It stayed a secret for almost two weeks. Kagome was just starting to think that she had gotten away with it, that it would be easy to continue keeping it a secret, and that she was never going to have to tell her mother. But nothing good in life ever lasts and the truth always has a way of coming out—usually in the worst possible way—as it finally did.

She should've known she couldn't keep Inuyasha away forever. It hurt him that she would even try. But she'd gotten this 'wound' in a place that was somewhat difficult to keep hidden. Her uniform shirt often lifted high enough to reveal the area—whether because of the wind blowing or because she was stretching. Her shirt wasn't long enough. The longer sweater she'd brought with her helped, but she couldn't wear it forever. And what about when she bathed? She'd resumed her normal bathing habits the day before, with Sango, and it had been so hard to hide her skin in the clear water from the other woman. Part of her wished that she had noticed, just so that Kagome could've told someone and gotten the secret off her chest. Besides, did she really think Sango would disapprove? She'd probably understand… better than her mother anyway, and better than Inuyasha would. The thought of Inuyasha finding out was a looming dread in her mind. But Sango didn't notice and her secret remained a secret for seventeen more hours.

They were staying in a village, still in the east though far from Edo. They were there because a swarm of mutant rat youkai were attacking villages. Inuyasha had scoffed, but the rats had proved more difficult to destroy than they'd anticipated. Kagome still got the chills thinking about them. They were dirty, with bulging beady eyes, beefy tails, and must have weighed thirty or forty pounds each. They were more like rabid dogs than rats and just as violent--sharp teeth, claws, and all. At least they didn't look the least bit human or they never would've been able to stomach the sight of them.

Kagome had used so much of her spiritual energy during that attack that she'd very nearly passed out. There were so many rats that even if she didn't hit the one she was aiming for, half the time she got the one next to it. Problem was, she was only able to take out a few at a time. Five maybe. And she wasn't fast. Several of them had tackled her down and bit her before Inuyasha had been able to save her. She remembered screaming, almost purifying him, and finally breaking down when he carried her, sobbing, away to safety, to watch the rest from the sidelines. Not that she stayed there.

Miroku did well, though he struggled not to take too much of the town into his Kazanna along with the youkai. Sango had pretty much the same trouble with her Hiraikotsu in such a confined space. Inuyasha was more careless of the buildings, though he didn't completely disregard them when he could get a clear shot with his Wind Scar. Kirara was arguably doing the best since she could take a few at a time, not destroy buildings, and seemed to have a particular desire to destroy the disgusting things.

Kagome, to Inuyasha's chagrin, abandoned Shippou in order to rejoin the fight. She was too stubborn to stay out when her friends were having so much trouble. Thankfully, she wasn't hurt much more, though some of the bites from the rats were bleeding. When the battle was over, the headman of the village found rooms for them and Kagome cleaned their wounds, even the perverted monk's. When she finished with Inuyasha, who's wounds she tended last of all, he insisted on cleaning her wounds as well, to which she protested loudly. But he got his way.

The problem didn't come in until he saw a flash of red peeking out under her shirt and thought it was blood. He pushed the fabric back in such a distracting way that a breathless Kagome, who was only slightly angry at him for his forwardness, didn't know what he was looking at until his eyebrows furrowed and he touched the skin there. Even that was distracting until Shippou looked at the part of her stomach he was touching and exclaimed brightly, "It's a lotus!" at which point Kagome's world came crashing down. Her face contorted into an expression of horror and she jumped away from Inuyasha, yanking down her shirt. She stared at her friends for only a second before sprinting out of the room and berating herself for her stupidity.

She had exactly two minutes and fifty-three seconds to exit the building before Inuyasha chased her down. He didn't want her running off and getting into trouble. This wasn't Edo after all and it wasn't even safe there. Kagome was as red as a beet and covering her stomach with her arms. She yelped and stumbled backwards (as she was prone to doing) when he landed in front of her. But he didn't have time to catch her before she crashed down and looked up at him in shock. "Tell me you didn't see that," she pleaded.

He looked confused for a moment. "See what? See you fall on your butt?" he asked, scratching his head.

Kagome covered her face with her hands and moaned. "I'm going to kill my friends when I get back," she muttered.

Miroku, Sango, and Shippou appeared behind her a moment later. She could feel them staring. It was Sango who broke the silence and helped her up. "Kagome-chan? What was that marking?" she asked.

Kagome looked around at her friends and self-consciously pulled her shirt down lower. "It's a… It's a… ah, um…" She squeezed her eyes together for a moment. "It's… EriYukaandAyumimademegetaTATTOO! Ireallydidn'twanttobutIcouldn'thelpit! Mymom'sgonnakillme,ifshefindsout! I'msodead!" she rambled, waving her hands around frantically. Then she wrapped her arms around her stomach protectively again and tried to disappear.

"A tattoo, Kagome-sama?" Miroku asked after a moment. This conclusion was based more on deduction, and a far-away look at her skin when it was revealed, more than her muddled explanation, though he thought he heard the word in there somewhere.

Kagome looked up, seizing on the tone in his voice and trying to banish some of her embarrassment. "It's… don't you have them during this time too? They use needles to draw designs under your skin with ink. S-sesshomaru looks like he might have some on his face, you know?"

Inuyasha scowled and glared at her for reminding him. "Those are demon markings," he corrected petulantly.

Kagome glared back at him. "It was an _example_, Inuyasha."

"What's it a tattoo of?" asked Miroku.

"A… lotus," she answered hesitantly. "I read about it in a book. It's very symbolic and spiritual. I just thought it was appropriate. And it_ is_ my favorite flower…" She smiled slightly at Shippou.

"Can we see it, Kagome-chan?" asked Sango.

"Um… sure," Kagome answered. She blushed but raised her shirt enough to reveal the pretty tattoo on her stomach, and held the other side of her shirt down so that her whole stomach wasn't revealed.

Sango bent over and peered at it and Shippou jumped on her shoulder. Miroku looked at the tattoo briefly, but became more interested in Sango's bottom as she bent over and fought his hand to keep it at his side. Inuyasha was trying not to look curious, but Kagome could tell he was. However, Sango and Shippou were blocking his line of sight and when they pulled back Kagome pulled her shirt back down and cleared her throat.

Inuyasha sighed and folded his hands into his sleeves, following everyone else back inside the building. Maybe he could get a look at the "tattoo" thing later.


	5. Because I wanted to?

**Chapter 5****: Flashback**

**"What's done is done and what's done cannot be undone."** _– unknown_

* * *

Kagome walked slowly towards Goshinboku, the tree where everything began. They had returned to Kaede's village two days ago, after securing two more shards and pacifying Inuyasha, and she had yet to go home. She wanted to see her mother and have a nice hot bath and some Oden. But she was dreading going home. Part of her was even afraid that Inuyasha would let it slip that she had a tattoo, and he was sure to follow her eventually if she left. He wouldn't do it on purpose, not to hurt her, but if he started thinking her mother needed to know, or her mother pressured him, or he forgot and blurted it out… Well, it would be bad. He was already worried about her because she wasn't going home and she seemed nervous again; and trying to act like everything was normal when it wasn't was easier said than done. With a defeated sigh, she plopped onto the ground in front of the tree and stared up at the branches.

She couldn't avoid her mother forever, but she wasn't ready to go back yet. It was just too risky. How could she hide something like this from her mother? But wasn't that why she ran in the first place? Wasn't that what she had been dealing with ever since her friends talked her into getting this thing? With a sigh, Kagome let her mind wander back to that day, just a few weeks ago. The wind picked up and blew her hair across her face, following the direction of her head and eyes as she looked to the left, unseeingly. The forest blurred into her memories.

Eri and her friends entered the _South-Dragon Needle Design Studio_ apprehensively. She could feel the other three girls, including Kagome, pressed up against her back, no doubt looking around as if expecting a ghost to materialize in front of them. It hadn't only been her idea to come, so why was she getting shoved in the front? She had to admit she was a little nervous as well. But they were doing this for Kagome. Kagome needed to have some fun.

It was different inside the building than Yuka had imagined. It looked very plain from the outside. There wasn't even a sign on the building, but there _was_ one stuck in the ground by the steps. This was were Eri said her older cousin had gotten her tattoo, and that they would be willing to give them all tattoos even though they were still considered a little young for it. There were pictures on the white walls of work these artists had done, as well as a framed license, and there were one or two other people around, waiting. They all had tattoos already. Looking around, she was glad they didn't tattoo right out in the open here, because if they did she would have lost her nerve.

Ayumi looked at her friends and cleared her throat. "Shouldn't we… talk to someone or something?" she asked. "Maybe sit?"

"There's a lady over there, she can tell us what to do," answered Eri.

Slowly, they made their way over, hesitantly breaking up their cluster to give themselves breathing room. The lady in front of them had a tattoo of a tear on her cheekbone, a collar tattooed around her neck, and purple hair. Her arms were almost completely covered with tattoos as well, but Kagome tried not to stare at her arms. _Is that what I'm going to turn into if I get one of these? They say they're addictive. How could they possibly be addictive? I don't want to find out I'm some kind of masochist! I wonder when she got her first tattoo. Was she younger than us or older? Did she get them just to advertise this place? _

The lady's name was Aiko. She picked up a clipboard with a piece of paper on it and looked each of them over. "Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked ominously, eyeing each of them. She got four reluctant nods but ended up giving them a pen anyway. "Write your names here then, and then fill out these forms and sign them." She gave them each an anxious look, but it wasn't her place to talk them out of getting a tattoo if they really wanted one. She could tell at least one of the girls was actually excited about it, and it reminded her of herself at that age.

All four girls shared glances, Kagome's more hesitant than the rest, and then Yuka, of all people, reached out and quickly scribbled her name on the ledger and took a form. Ayumi followed, then Eri. They all turned to Kagome, who was standing there, wringing her hands. They pulled her to the side so the lady wouldn't hear them.

"I don't even know what I'd get…" Kagome said quietly, to stave off their complaints about her cowardice—'couldn't even write her name down!' they'd say.

"Well, we're not exactly sure either. But you have an idea, don't you Kagome?"

Kagome raised her eyes and looked at her friends. She nodded marginally and blushed. She thought she knew what she wanted. But she was a little shy about it.

The girls didn't press her right away, they just focused on getting her to sign. "Come on, Kagome-chan, we're doing this for you! Just sign it! Don't be scared!"

Kagome's eyes narrowed a fraction and she reached out for the pen. She was not scared of some stupid needle and a bit of ink, wasn't even scared of the consequences of this action. It was nothing really, compared to facing down demons everyday and trying to save the world. Right? She signed the paper and took up the forms and followed her friends to some chairs to sit down. When she started reading the paper she thought she might be sick. It was thicker than it looked, with a lot of warnings and clarifications. They didn't want to be liable for _anything_ that went wrong, which meant it was entirely up to the customers to make sure nothing did. Were they (Eri, Yuka, Ayumi and herself) qualified to do that? She frowned but kept reading with a grim sort of determination. _Please don't kill me Mama, when you find out. I still have to complete the Shikon…_

It seemed like they were waiting a lifetime for their names to be called. They tried to stay calm by focusing only on their excitement, and flipping through a portfolio and magazines for ideas.

"So what are you going to get, Kagome-chan?" asked Ayumi after a moment. She'd seen the spark in her friend's eye a few minutes ago as she flipped through a book, and the look of determination on her face.

Kagome blushed. "I was thinking I would get a lotus flower…"

"A lotus flower! But Kagome, I read that…" Ayumi looked down at the book she had and flipped back a few pages. She pointed at a passage in triumph. "'Like the hibiscus, the lotus flower is universally accepted as a symbol of estranged love and the associated empty yearning it entails'," she quoted. "You can't get something like that! You could have any guy you want!"

_Not Inuyasha…_ she thought to herself, forcing a smile. "It's also seen as a symbol of rebirth, enlightenment, and spirituality. It grows in the mud but it's a beautiful flower and it's petals reach toward the light. Buddha sits on a lotus you know..." She turned her face away, thinking. Rebirth, like reincarnation; spirituality like miko powers; and enlightenment—something everyone should aspire too. The definition Ayumi had found was suitable as well.

"Ohh," the girls breathed. "That's nice Kagome. Very… deep."

They grew quiet again and Eri started looking around at the other two people waiting in the room for ideas, since they already had tattoos, but she stopped when one of the guys turned his head and glared at her. They were lucky he didn't seem to be a yakuza. Tattoos were kind of a gang thing, and in this place, they were even more likely to meet a gangster. But maybe it really was a good thing tattooing wasn't "just a yakuza thing anymore." They'd probably be dead, or worse. They were so stupid to go there and pretend like everything was alright! But it was too late to back out now.

They went in two at a time. Kagome, to everyone's surprise, was the one who threw herself into it the most. After her initial fear, discomfort, and disgust wore off, which was within the first few minutes, she started to seem perfectly okay with her decision. She wanted it colored, and she didn't know if she would ever feel this brave again, at least when it came to getting another tattoo, so it had to be colored now.

Eri wanted a butterfly on her shoulder, so it would look like it landed there, but she didn't want her parents to find out about it and that would be hard to hide. So she got a tattoo on her lower back of a horse head. She'd been impressed with horses ever since she'd had a chance to ride one at her Aunt's house. It turned out really well. Yuka got a small dragon and Ayumi, always a romantic, though usually a level-headed one, got a red rose on her hip, the ultimate western symbol of love (other than the heart symbol). Kagome got a red lotus flower on her stomach. It almost seemed to curve around her belly button, though there was several inches of skin separating them. It was about half as big as her palm and it was beautiful. She couldn't wait to see it when it was all healed, and was even a little sad when he covered it up with a bandage.

They all left with big smiles on their faces and spent the rest of the day at the park. It wasn't until she was completely alone, a block away from her home, that she started her downward spiral into paranoia. She hadn't even been able to approach the shrine grounds. She had simply walked around and around until Inuyasha landed in front of her. That baka. What was she ever going to do with him?

Returning to herself, Kagome sighed and leaned back on her arms. She scooted her bottom half forward a bit so she was half-reclining and drew up her shirt, looking down at the design. The guy there had done a fantastic job, for a reasonable price. The tattoo almost looked like it was real. She ran her fingertips across it and felt a notch of pride rise within her. She didn't have to be ashamed of this. She'd done it completely without her mother's knowledge or approval and it had been a stupid thing to do. Part of her worried she'd done it out of some misplaced childhood rebellion. But she knew that wasn't the case. She'd gotten it because… she'd wanted to do it, for herself. She knew she felt freer doing it and having something so personal and symbolic and beautiful permanently etched into her skin was special. It was something to be cherished, not regretted. And if her mother found out, so be it. "What's done is done," as they say.

**THE END.**


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